Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

There is that old adage that says "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." However, each society has its own concept of what it means to be beautiful. There may be universal traits of what is beautiful such as great skin, healthy teeth etc, others may be more fluid.

What I am about to say may shock some of you but it is the truth. I am not what you would call beautiful in my country. To my friends I may be beautiful or to the desperate men that would pretty much flirt with anyone, I am beautiful. However, the general consensus not so much.
I was never called ugly but I was always rejected. Growing up I enjoyed being invisible. I never really liked attention and boy oh boy it wasn't hard to stay out of the spotlight. From my teens to early twenties I don't think I really had an identity. Guys never really bothered to learn my name. My name was essentially "Where is....?". You guess it. Men would approach me most of the time to ask where my friend was, my friends' names or even better my friends number. It actually reached the point where I am 28 now, I don't even look up from what I am doing. I simply respond "Oh Gabriella isn't feeling well." They usually continue on their way. Lol.
I never really felt negatively about it till recently. As a woman, of course, there is so much pressure to be in a relationship and be married. I have always rebelled against those ideals. I never compared myself to other women and didn't measure myself by that yard stick until I found myself unemployed, without any close friends near by. I took the usual dating woes more seriously than I normally would.
Firstly, I found out the only guy I ever really liked actually asked my friend out and when she turned him down, he turned to me. I was used to being the second fiddle but it was definitely a low blow.
Secondly, online dating prospects were a dud. I apparently wear a sign that says "If you ex broke your heart and you still aren't over it, please tell me I am special, I am wonderful and you would love to be with me but then chicken out because you can't emotionally invest in a relationship, only to go back to the same type of girls you claim you hated." Yes, I live in the friend zone. I have shares in the friend zone. I have a friend zone address and I am the community leader.

When I finally get the nerves to even approach a guy, I get the look of disgust. I swear to you guys, I am not ugly. However, to the male population of Trinidad and Tobago, the up down head movement and the facial expression of repulsion is appropriate. Lol. Actually that is how both genders look at me. I may need to invest in a mirror to see for myself because I don't know what about me is so vile or even worth making snickering noises. Lol.

At the end of the day, I can joke about my human male repellent tendencies. You may not be universally beautiful. But you are unique. You are creation of God's. Love yourself.