Getting out of your comfort zone Series: My experience as an aspiring model

Last year, I had the brilliant idea (says with sarcasm) that I needed to focus on me and escape my comfort zone. I started off with applying to any job I could think of internationally, praying more often and doing volunteer work. In my mind, I figured it would give me experience and one job would come running to hire me and my dream would materialized. 

I think I have heard "JM you aren't getting any younger, you need to leave TT." a thousand of times by now. As 2017 came to an end, I got really depressed but I was walking around acting like everything was okay and if  I would be frank, my faith in God had dwindled. I felt hopeless and I hated (still do sometimes) talking to even my close friends about it because everyone has their issues to handle, all of them are either settled in jobs, are married, going steady in their careers and I honestly felt like a loser and there are many days that I have to tell myself that it isn't true. I am always the one saying "Jessica you can do it" and in my mind I know I can and there is a light at the end of the tunnel but they say results speak for themselves and the results say I am 28 years old, multiple degrees but financially incapable of taking care of herself.

2018 approached and as my New Year's resolution, I decided that I would continue coming out of my comfort zone. In May 2018, I enrolled in a modeling training programme. My heart was racing, my head was spinning as I walked to the venue for registration. I told myself "JM if you don't do this you will regret this for the rest of your life." The following week classes began and it felt like torture. Every week, more work pilled onto the other work I had to do and I felt like it was a never ending struggle. When Saturday came, some days I would get down on my knees and recite several prayers asking for just one good day and it never got any better. I would put on my most painful pair of high heels, walk through my house for almost an hour and still hear the same critiques over and over. I kept asking myself "Why JM why are you even doing this. Just quit." Yet every Saturday like clockwork, I got up and I attended classes because I felt like I could do it and I would fail myself if I didn't continue.

At the beginning  I was very optimistic but my spirit and confidence started to wane. I was all to contented with not attending the company's casting show. Had it not been for my close friends and the recent death of a family member, I would have missed it. The events of the casting show in itself are a topic for a next post. All I can say was that by the conclusion I was elated that I attended.

One of my classmates, who has turned into a dear friend, sent me a link for a modeling association. I didn't want to waste an opportunity so I decided to register with them. During the interview process, they mentioned that they had a programme for those who wanted to aspire to become international models. Again ever the optimist, I didn't want to let an opportunity slide between my finger tips, decided to join the classes. My trainer is quite knowledgeable about the industry and the months I have going there I have learned so much. However, training just like the previous company hasn't gotten any better. In fact it has gotten to the point where I walk in very optimistic and leave in tears and I feel sorry that this poor woman has to train me. You look at modeling from outside of the industry and believe it to be glamorous. Reality shows have convinced us that we can become top models in a matter of weeks. Certainly hasn't been the case for me (then again I took 3 years to learn to drive and still cannot drive despite having a licence. I just was lucky enough to be having a good day).  It is a lot of work. My Instagram is nowhere close to where it needs to be and that in itself requires patience, time and money. Things I clearly do not have. LOL.

I will not give up though. I always believed I was destined for greatness. There are days when I feel as if I am wasting money, my time and I am not getting any better and I still cannot afford to pursue my dreams. However, I keep on pushing and crying until God says "Enough". I fall but I always get back up.