Why I don't need a text back; Single by choice
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Marriage is a sacred covenant.
I think most of us know this. We know that it should not be taken lightly. But our approach isn't always the best. Frequently we get into relationships that arent for the best and should have been terminated months, years ago but we continue to hold on for whatever reason of sorts.
Some aren't living their lives for Christ, God, Allah, Yahweh or even themselves. They are living for the esteem of friends, family and others around them. It is better to put up a facade of perfection, than admitting that a relationship has come to an end.
I am of the opinion that souls are united long before you enter a marriage. We have to be careful who we align ourselves with.
I am often met with bewilderment when I state that I have never been in a relationship. I have hinted at my reasons for this but I have never come out fully and stated why. I felt like I didn't owe anyone an explanation and to be quite frank I still am of that belief. However, I have shared quite a bit of my life thus far so this is just an addition.
To make a long story short, the main reason for my decision to remain single was environmental. Truth is I was raised in a culture while relationships and marriage are common; healthy ones are not. I am exposed to single mothers abandoned by delinquent men, relationships are built on infidelity that is so rampant we have created colloquial terms such as "horner man" and "horner woman".
I was part of a social media group, with thousands of women. Not a single day would go by where a woman wasnt seeking the advice of other women in regards to her philandering, disrespectful boyfriend or husband. I really don't want to come across as judgemental because we all mistakes but if I am being completely honest, as West Indian people we often make mistakes that are easily avoidable and we never seem to learn from them other than become even more despondent.
November 2017, Dr. Giriraj Ramnanan stated that estimated 60% of T&T men are guilty of cheating. Everyone is looking for an explanation as why this may be the case. I am no expert so I can only pontificate my thoughts. I believe that as culture, we lack maturity. Instant gratification permeates our veins. Often times women seek out men to escape their upbringing while the men are often raised with no sanctions or repercussions for their actions. When you pair broken women with men who have not be taught to control their urges, you have relationships that are codependent instead of interdependent. Many Caribbean women often perform domestic activities and present themselves nicely to attain love and attention that they don't have for themselves while many Caribbean men believe that their only responsibility is financial. When people have these mindsets their actions are rarely genuine and there lies the development of narcissism.
As Caribbean women, sure we can as, previously stated perform domestic activities but personality wise many of us are depressed, angry and dealing with a range of emotional issues that need to be resolved way before we get into relationships. As for the men toxic masculinity, while it isn't something that only occurs here (I must state this because boy do we immediately get defensive when someone doesn't see us as a region of heaven on earth), is very common. My first few jobs were in retail and I often saw couples coming in to purchase items for the girlfriends/wives. The women generally had absolutely no say in the matter because as far as the men were concerned it was their money that was being spent.
Keeping all that in mind as well as the dangerous conditions we live in as women where domestic violence is customary, for years tarnished my impression of the concept of marriage and I wanted no part of it.
Currently, my attitude has definitely changed. I am opened to getting married but I am not in pursuit of that. I have the love of those around me which is quite wonderful and fulling for me at the moment.
Marriage is a sacred covenant.
I think most of us know this. We know that it should not be taken lightly. But our approach isn't always the best. Frequently we get into relationships that arent for the best and should have been terminated months, years ago but we continue to hold on for whatever reason of sorts.
Some aren't living their lives for Christ, God, Allah, Yahweh or even themselves. They are living for the esteem of friends, family and others around them. It is better to put up a facade of perfection, than admitting that a relationship has come to an end.
I am of the opinion that souls are united long before you enter a marriage. We have to be careful who we align ourselves with.
I am often met with bewilderment when I state that I have never been in a relationship. I have hinted at my reasons for this but I have never come out fully and stated why. I felt like I didn't owe anyone an explanation and to be quite frank I still am of that belief. However, I have shared quite a bit of my life thus far so this is just an addition.
To make a long story short, the main reason for my decision to remain single was environmental. Truth is I was raised in a culture while relationships and marriage are common; healthy ones are not. I am exposed to single mothers abandoned by delinquent men, relationships are built on infidelity that is so rampant we have created colloquial terms such as "horner man" and "horner woman".
I was part of a social media group, with thousands of women. Not a single day would go by where a woman wasnt seeking the advice of other women in regards to her philandering, disrespectful boyfriend or husband. I really don't want to come across as judgemental because we all mistakes but if I am being completely honest, as West Indian people we often make mistakes that are easily avoidable and we never seem to learn from them other than become even more despondent.
November 2017, Dr. Giriraj Ramnanan stated that estimated 60% of T&T men are guilty of cheating. Everyone is looking for an explanation as why this may be the case. I am no expert so I can only pontificate my thoughts. I believe that as culture, we lack maturity. Instant gratification permeates our veins. Often times women seek out men to escape their upbringing while the men are often raised with no sanctions or repercussions for their actions. When you pair broken women with men who have not be taught to control their urges, you have relationships that are codependent instead of interdependent. Many Caribbean women often perform domestic activities and present themselves nicely to attain love and attention that they don't have for themselves while many Caribbean men believe that their only responsibility is financial. When people have these mindsets their actions are rarely genuine and there lies the development of narcissism.
As Caribbean women, sure we can as, previously stated perform domestic activities but personality wise many of us are depressed, angry and dealing with a range of emotional issues that need to be resolved way before we get into relationships. As for the men toxic masculinity, while it isn't something that only occurs here (I must state this because boy do we immediately get defensive when someone doesn't see us as a region of heaven on earth), is very common. My first few jobs were in retail and I often saw couples coming in to purchase items for the girlfriends/wives. The women generally had absolutely no say in the matter because as far as the men were concerned it was their money that was being spent.
Keeping all that in mind as well as the dangerous conditions we live in as women where domestic violence is customary, for years tarnished my impression of the concept of marriage and I wanted no part of it.
Currently, my attitude has definitely changed. I am opened to getting married but I am not in pursuit of that. I have the love of those around me which is quite wonderful and fulling for me at the moment.
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