"Single" must be a curse word: Five Things I learned about being a single woman.

We like to believe that we live in a world of social consciousness. Feminism is alive and well. A woman’s marital status has no position in how she is viewed by society. Having a boyfriend for numerous years is not problematic Being single is exciting. Right, right. We are having a sexual awakening. Wrong.

As stated in many of my blog posts, I am a single woman. So of course, I can already sense the criticisms that you are formulating in your minds. "She talks about relationships a lot, she is so desperate for a man." "Girl go get a man already." "Desperate" "STFU already." Well I cannot really. You want to know why? It is because you will not let me. From the time you cross 16 years old, as a woman relationships are a central figure in most discussions. You can be well educated, beautiful, kindhearted but you are essentially nothing till you are espoused. In fact you most likely will hear "Congratulations'' more frequently and with enthusiasm when you state that you are engaged or married, than you would if you just completed your doctorate. I noticed this happening to many of my friends who had achieved higher education, prior to marriage. The feedback was almost as if they finally achieved something when they wed.
In my case I have come to realize in the female world, I am a failure for being single all my life. Who cares if I can cook some meals that may even impress Gordon Ramsay (Yes I am that sure of myself) or an aspiring supermodel, perform other domestic activities and can give Super Nanny a run for her money (I don't know what I drank this morning that gave me so much confidence. All I had was my mother's fried fish and some water) in dealing with children. I am single therefore, I am some sort of social pariah.

Here are a few things I learned about being single.

 1. First of all when you are single, you know many of your female friendships are temporary. While you are enjoying yourself at the clubs, your friends are obviously only going there because they want a man. You can’t complain about it because then you look jealous and you need to understand that if they only reach out to you when he is being a jerk or the relationship dissolves that is fine.

2. Guys aren’t your friends either. Doesn’t matter if you have known him since birth. He has to end the friendship with you once he gets a girlfriend because you are single and cannot  be trusted.

3. If your friends decide to keep you around, pretend like their boyfriend or husband doesn’t exist. It is worse if you are attractive and curvy then you are pretty much a slut if you address him in any manner. Don’t forget,  it is always best to wear sweatpants and nothing remotely attractive or showing any skin. Now it is the time to pull out the Sunday morning church outfit your baptist mother would totally approve of.

4. You cannot give advice. You think your friend’s boyfriend is a loser, don’t voice it because you are single and have no say. However, your friend who goes from one unhealthy relationship to the next can give advice especially if she is married. Doesn’t matter if she is immature and thinks all men are lying, cheating scum bags. Your degree in psychology and countless counseling workshops mean absolutely nothing. Trust me I have learned this the hard way. I have had this said to me pretty much weekly. 

5. Finally, most importantly you don’t know men. You don’t understand men especially if you have a positive impression of them. It is because you are naive and stupid and since you "got no man", therefore your opinion really accounts for nothing.

The last gif is like the autobiography of my life right now.